Looking for a Wife? │ Finding a Godly Wife

Christian Marriage Guide

Part Two

All human marriages have good times and bad times. People sin, repent, and sin some more. When God joins a man and a woman together in marriage, then they become one flesh for life. God commands that no one should separate what He has joined together. Therefore, plan on staying married forever, no matter what your wife does. Jesus recognized no basis for divorce. All divorce, according to God, arises from a sinful, hard heart (Matthew 19:1-9; see Divorce and Remarriage). So, before you get married, ask yourself a some questions about the woman you would like to marry. If you do not know the answer to some of the questions, you may not know her well enough to marry her yet.

1. Born Again. Has the woman been born again? Unless you receive the free gift of salvation, you will never find peace with God. So, be sure you have received the free gift of salvation yourself, before you go looking for a wife. Click the eternal life button to learn more. Eternal Life. You must be sure about your salvation before you even think about finding a wife. Never even think about dating an unbeliever or marrying an unbeliever.

2. Never Date or Marry an Unbeliever. Ask her this question: “If you died tonight, why should Jesus let you into heaven?” Unless she says that she recalls a day in her life when she received the free gift of eternal life by faith that Jesus died for her sins on the cross and rose again from dead, then she has not been born again (1 Corinthians 15:1-4; John 3:3; Romans 3:23, 6:23, 5:8, 10:9). Check her answer out before you get serious. Believers should never marry unbelievers. See Part One, Marry an Unbeliever?

3. She’s So Hot. Does the woman look hot? Remember Samson married a pagan woman because she was so HOTTTT. In Judges 14:3, Samson saw a pagan woman and wanted her as his wife because “she looks good to me” (“כִּֽי־הִ֖יא יָשְׁרָ֥ה בְעֵינָֽ“). Samson went by looks alone, and he married a pagan woman who caused him many problems because she was not a believer. Do not rule out a good looking woman because Rebekah was very beautiful (Genesis 24:15-16), and she was a good wife to Isaac (Genesis 24:67), but never marry just because a woman looks good to you.

4. Fear God. Does the woman have more than charm and beauty? Does she fear the Lord? (Proverbs 31:30).

5. Four Things To Look For. Paul described four things to look for in marriage in 2 Corinthians 6:14-18. 

6.1 Partnership. Does the woman support your ministry as a partner? Paul described his partners in ministry as people in the New Testament who shared common goals with him. He called Titus his partner in 2 Corinthians 8:23 and Philemon his partner in Philemon 1:17. Therefore, look for a woman who supports you in your personal ministry as you use your spiritual gifts to the glory of God.

6.2 Fellowship. Does the woman enjoy fellowship with you? God extends fellowship to believers and then they can have fellowship with each other (1 John 1:1-4; 1:5-7). They enjoy worshipping God together, they enjoy reading the Bible together, they enjoy praying together. When they are together, they both enjoy God more.

6.3 Harmony. Do you have harmony with the woman? Some believers have conflicting goals for ministry (Acts 15:36-41). If you have certain ideas about doing ministry, do they agree with hers? Does she share the same core beliefs about Jesus that you do? Does she know her spiritual gifts and use them?

6.4 Things in Common. Two people become one when God joins a man and woman together in marriage (Matthew 19:5-6). Therefore, be sure that you do not fight all the time or argue over insignificant things. If anger flares up frequently on either side, recognize that you do not have all things in common. Do not associate with a person given to anger (Proverbs 22:24).

7. Wisdom. Does the woman speak with wisdom, with the teaching of kindness on her tongue? If not, then think again (Proverbs 31:26).

8. Submission. Does the woman recognize that the husband is the head of the woman and she must submit to you as husband? (1 Corinthians 11:3; 1 Peter 3:5).

9. Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Does the woman have a gentle and quiet spirit, even when you are disobedient to the Word? (1 Peter 3:1-4)

10. Head Covering.  Does the woman cover her head during the Breaking of Bread service? (1 Corinthians 11:5)

11. Sex. Does the woman understand that, in marriage, the other spouse controls sexual activity? (1 Corinthians 7:4)

12. Money. Does the woman manage money well? (Proverbs 31:16-20).

13. Debt. Does the woman have serious debt, making her the lender’s slave?  (Proverbs 22:7)

14. Children. Does the woman understand that the man with many children is blessed by God? (Psalm 127:4-5)

15. Addiction. Does the woman have a drinking, alcohol, drug, weight, or other similar problem? (Proverbs 24:29-35; Proverbs 23:20).

16. Love. Does the woman love God with all her heart, mind, reasoning, and strength, and her neighbor as herself? (Luke 10:27)

17. Patience. Does the woman have patience, especially when wronged? (1 Corinthians 13:4)

18. Jealous. Does the woman act jealous? (1 Corinthians 13:4)

19. Brag. Does the woman brag about things other than God and His works? (1 Corinthians 13:4)

20. Arrogant. Does the woman say and do arrogant things? (1 Corinthians 13:4)

21. Unbecoming. Does the woman do unbecoming things? (1 Corinthians 13:5)

22. Selfish. Does the woman always seek her own interests first? (1 Corinthians 13:5)

23 Provoked. Does the woman suffer from being easily provoked? (1 Corinthians 13:5)

24. Grudges. Does the woman hold grudges against others? (1 Corinthians 13:5)

25. Rejoice. Does the woman rejoice in unrighteousness or righteousness? (1 Corinthians 13:6)

26. Bears. Does the woman bear all things? (1 Corinthians 13:7)

27. Believes. Does the woman believe all things? (1 Corinthians 13:7)

28. Hopes. Does the woman hope all things? (1 Corinthians 13:7)

29. Endures. Does the woman endure all things? (1 Corinthians 13:7)

30. Forgive. Does the woman forgive others likes God forgave her? (Matthew 6:14-15)

31. Giving. Does she give money to God? (1 Corinthians 16:1-2; 2 Corinthians 9:8-10).

32. Disciples. Does the woman make disciples? (Matthew 28:18-20).

33. Faith. After praying together and separately, do you both believe that God wants you to marry the other? (Matthew 18:19-20)


After salvation (our biggest decision), marriage will be one the biggest decisions you will ever make. Often, we make that decision in the midst of strong feelings and desires. If you will take the time to review the questions and Bible passages above, then you may rest assured that God will give you wisdom about His will for your life and marriage, if you ask without doubting (James 1:5). Of course, the questions above only serve as a guide to understanding the spiritual qualities of the person you intend to marry. No perfect spouse exists, because we are all sinners who fall short of the glory of God. By grace through faith, we have been saved and changed forever, but we still sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-11; 1 John 1:8-10). Without faith that God rewards people who diligently seek Him, it will be impossible to please Him (Hebrews 11:6). A good wife is better than rubies, and helps her husband all the days of her life (Proverbs 31:10-12). Unless you have the gift of chastity (1 Corinthians 7:1-7), God wants both of you to get married. Rest assured that if God wants you to get married, then He has already chosen your wife and prepared good works for you to walk in them with her (Ephesians 2:10). Be sure you counsel together with an elder in your church, always a mature, male believer, who can give you further Biblical guidance about marriage and his willingness to marry you after getting to know you.  Of course, anyone with legal authority may marry you in a legal ceremony, but God loves for His children to be married in the local assembly, where other believers may share your joy. Marriage represents a spiritual union, and should not be relegated to merely a legal union. May God bless both of you as you seek His will about marriage. If you have further questions, please comment below.

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